Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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