I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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