dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
