Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How external is "for external use only"?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
