I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
