Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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