Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
