I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
