for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
