I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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