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I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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