Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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