Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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