clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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