Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
