glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
