his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize