Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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