Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
