what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
