i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
