I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
