I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
