I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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