It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i now understand why vodka
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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