Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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