I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
