I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
