Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize