3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So squirting runs in the family.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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