I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
