I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
