The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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