i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize