if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize