Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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