I'm going to jail i love you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am naked and annoyed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
