dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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