I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
