Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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