My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
