Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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