I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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