Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
