He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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