I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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