Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
