I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
