Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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