I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
