were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
