she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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