Jerry, you need to find god
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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