After last night, I could never be a politician.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
