Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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