I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
