Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
