You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
