Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
