well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
