maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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