im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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