I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
