i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
