Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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