The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
