There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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