I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
