I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Enjoy the penises
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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