the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
